Necessity Is The Mother of Invention

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“I had to make you uncomfortable, otherwise you never would have moved.” —Universe

The ancient Greek philosopher, Plato, said that ‘necessity is the mother of invention”. As someone who has been fiercely committed to building a better world in my own personal way through the creative work that I do, and the lifestyle that I’ve chosen, the need for invention, innovation and new, creative ideas to spread has been forefront in my thoughts for years. If that desire is to be birthed through necessity, then what sheds light on what our necessities are? How do we get down to the bones of what it is that we really need, in its most basic form? In my experience and observation, it’s adversity that highlights for us what our necessities are. It’s the dark shadows of doubt, fear, anxiety and helplessness. Those supposed negative, inferior, or low-vibe feelings are at the heart of unlocking what makes us tick as individuals, and as collective human beings. We have those feelings for good reason. They help us to survive and evolve, until we are capable of thriving. Fear and the possibility of threat, puts us in touch with our instincts and intuition, which are essential to our understanding of ourselves and have an uncanny ability to immediately shed anything that is frivolous or extraneous from our lives, and help us zero in on what we value. Those uncomfortable feelings shine a light on our vulnerabilities and what we need to work through within ourselves and as a collective human family, and we have most certainly all been steeped very recently together in a significant dose of adversity, fear, anxiety as we continue to navigate the global Covid-19 pandemic.

Fear, just like grief and sadness, are to be moved through, not around, so we should never allow anyone to mock us or make us feel shame for experiencing fear, especially when facing the unknown. Those who can still feel deeply, despite a world that has worked hard to thicken our skins and make battle-hardened warriors of us all, will very likely be the ones who change everything for the better in the long run. They are a rare breed and have a perspective that few can see. Stay sensitized if you can, or reclaim it, as I have done after years of hardening my heart in order to soldier on in difficult circumstances. Our softness is where so much power resides, and yet it has all but been forgotten by our culture. Nothing shows us our power, like the thought of having it taken away. And when I say power, I do not mean the false sense of power that is fuelled by feelings of superiority or specialness disguised as leadership, in that hero-saviour variety that patriarchal structure so loves to perpetuate these days. I mean true power, that comes from humility and compassion, and that humble confidence that commits to raising up all people as equally important no matter their belief, or lifestyle, and with no agenda to get anyone “on-side” with the God that they deem correct, but raising people up just because its the decent human thing to do. No strings attached.

Our difficult feelings also show us where we’ve been waisting our time and energy, and how we’ve been distracted and scattered so effectively from our most essential selves.  Before we can reach a new level of invention and innovation that’s necessary to build a better world, we must first acknowledge where we’ve become comfortable, complacent and apathetic about the world that is. In my own experience, if we don’t take the initiative to evolve ourselves as individuals, circumstances tend to arise in our lives that push us out of our comfort zones and make us evolve, like it or not.

Before I had ever heard of Covid-19, I had thought that I had a pretty good understanding of what “necessity is the mother of invention” really meant. I had experienced adversity in my life, and been nudged into a new level of survival and creativity to cope in the past, but as it turns out, 3 months into a worldwide pandemic where my life has been substantially altered, I now realize my previously comfortable life and innate privilege and entitlement kept me from fully grasping the weight of what that statement really means. I had already gone through many alterations in my life where I significantly simplified and culled the meaningless, the wasteful and the consumerist values from my existence. Skimming down to what really matters to me and shedding the rest. But even still, the truth is, I rarely thought about necessity, because we live in a time and culture of excess and as a middle-income, healthy, white, straight cis-woman who’s married, I have a bubble of protective privilege around me that needs to be acknowledged and understood. The fact is, I am not as vulnerable in an emergency, like a global pandemic, as someone who has health issues, suffers from depression or anxiety, doesn’t have universal health care, is trying to raise a family without a living wage, or is discriminated against, underprivileged or marginalized in any way. A significant lesson, and the beginning of the many silver lining gifts gleaned from this difficult experience. This honest look at my own privilege and the resulting humility and massive influx of sudden understanding of the adversity being experienced by the vulnerable and underprivileged comparatively to how I have been effected, has been eye and heart opening.

“We are all in the same storm, but not in the same boat.”  -Emery D. Haley

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This was just one of so many veil lifting epiphanies that have come to light for me and many thousands of people through the adversity of this pandemic. I have most definitely been negatively impacted personally, as a Mother of two young boys who are now home 24/7 and need to be homeschooled. I’ve struggled these past weeks as a small-business owner who’s seen a huge drop in income from my vintage shop sales, even though I sell online, and I’m the Wife of an Author and Illustrator who had every single book signing, convention, speaking engagement and work trip cancelled indefinitely since March. Our livelihoods have been hacked down to shadows of their former glory and that’s been heart wrenching for two people who have worked very hard and made many sacrifices in order to build a life around our creative endeavours being our sole source of income. There is no denial or downplay of our personal hardships here, but, it pales in comparison to what more vulnerable people around the globe who were already experiencing adversity have had to deal with. If this doesn’t teach us compassion and empathy for one another, and help us see the inequalities within the systems we uphold, I don’t know what will.

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We live in a time of over abundance, gluttony and greed with a small percentage of people getting extremely rich off of the consumerist culture that keeps middle and lower income people trapped in a cycle of wanting more and believing that if they just work hard enough, all their dreams will come true. So many have become slaves to that belief and that system, which is stacked in the favour of the already rich and powerful. It is designed for us to want desperately to climb the ladder towards the rich and famous lifestyle, and to reach endlessly for it, but never get there. The falseness and emptiness of that dream is coming to light for many, and that is no harsh truth to scoff at. The youth in particular are bombarded with the messaging that this is precisely what they should want for themselves and encouraged to strive endlessly for it. It’s a damn hard reality to realize its a lie.

When 2020 unleashed Covid-19, the world was thrown into a chaotic shit-storm of epic proportions. Lockdowns, border and school closures, daily death tolls, curfews, medical face masks, mass business shut downs and long-term social distancing measures. I need not go on, you were there, we all were, and still are navigating these new waters, globally. What an incredibly profound thing to experience in our lifetime. Especially in the digital era, when we can watch it unfolding real-time on our friends’, colleagues’ and strangers’ social media feeds from all over the world. No need to even tune into the news, when it’s so easy now to connect with real people and their lived experiences, live around the world. The unity of that global experience should not be taken lightly. For many people, that may have been the first time they really understood how connected we all are on this planet. Not just conceptually, but literally. We live on a sphere, an island brimming with life and possibility, floating in the cosmos and every single thing we do as individuals effects and impacts everyone else that walks this planet with us. It may not be immediate, or feel substantial when it happens, but what we choose in each moment sends a ripple out like a tiny stone in a pond that extends out from us continually. We have impact as individuals. Covid allowed us to see that with clarity and certainty, and if we can have a negative impact on one another, we can most certainly have a positive impact.

So many people are now beginning to understand concepts that had been floating around them for decades, but their busyness had kept them from grasping it fully. The wealthy 1% getting richer during a crisis, while the rest of us struggle to get by. The hypocrisy of minimum wage workers being determined “essential” and revered as “front line heroes”, while not making a living wage. The truth about how many goods we rely on that are imported from other countries that are produced in sweatshops, and how incredibly neglectful we’ve been about supporting local businesses and small, family-owned shops in our own communities. How much non-essential crap we buy and support that does not in any way make the world a better place to live, in fact it just contributes to more garbage and plastic waste in our landfills and oceans, and loss of hard-earned income with nothing to show for it. One of the most important epiphanies I witnessed people grasping worldwide was the realization of how little they know about how to actually survive in an emergency. People began to ask themselves, what if this was like a world war, or the next Dirty Thirties and goods and services become difficult to get access to? The sheer shock of realizing that they don’t know how to grow their own food, keep their family’s immune systems healthy and strong, or cook hearty meals from basic local ingredients, was a major eye opener for many. Hence the significant increase in veggie gardens popping up everywhere this spring and people living in the suburbs learning to bake their own bread for the first time. So much so that Robin Hood flour ran out of their standard yellow packaging and had to start packing in basic brown paper bags in order to keep up with production in North America! The most important discovery I feel for many, was watching the smog and CO2 emissions clear up in the skies all over the world as traffic and industry screeched to a halt. Wildlife emerged and was rejuvenated as people stayed close to home, and people, with no place to go and many with less to do, started watching the skies, listening to the birds and re-connecting with nature in ways they may not have in years or possibly ever.

These little seeds of thought, these epiphanies, thought experiments and self-evaluations are the silver lining during these dark times. The gifts that come from adversity and are born when we face fear and have the courage to move through it, grasping the lessons as we go. I understood it philosophically, but not experientially, because life has afforded me far more than I actually need. Facing the truth of that and admitting it to myself is a lesson in humility and gratitude, something I feel is sorely needed in these times.

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“I don’t want to wait anymore I’m tired of looking for answers
Take me some place where there’s music and there’s laughter
I don’t know if I’m scared of dying but I’m scared of living too fast, too slow
Regret, remorse, hold on, oh no I’ve got to go
There’s no starting over, no new beginnings, time races on
And you’ve just gotta keep on keeping on
Gotta keep on going, looking straight out on the road
Can’t worry ’bout what’s behind you or what’s coming for you further up the road
I try not to hold on to what is gone, I try to do right what is wrong
I try to keep on keeping on
Yeah I just keep on keeping on
I hear a voice calling
Calling out for me
These shackles I’ve made in an attempt to be free
Be it for reason, be it for love
I won’t take the easy road
I’ve woken up in a hotel room, my worries as big as the moon
Having no idea who or what or where I am
Something good comes with the bad
A song’s never just sad
There’s hope, there’s a silver lining
Show me my silver lining
Show me my silver lining”  

                                                                               – First Aid Kit (Song: My Silver Lining)

There has been so much emotional baggage to unpack over these past few months, and truly difficult realities to face and not look away from that many have suffered deeply and profoundly as a result of it. This is a collective pain that history has shown us, will most definitely result in transformations we can only imagine for our world. There are deep lessons to be learned and healing to experience through the discomfort.

I have been so incredibly fortified and heartened by what I have seen transpire within the creative communities around the globe as a result of this pandemic. A new and profound creativity has emerged, birthed from necessity. People being isolated and un-able to create in their normal ways have risen to the occasion and innovated ways to thrive in adversity. I’ve seen incredible works of art being made with minimal resources, musicians and performing artists finding inspiring ways to continue making music for themselves and the world. Writers penning some of the most heart-wrenching articles and poetry, small businesses adapting and adjusting from brick and mortar to online shops and delivery services in record time in order to continue meeting the needs of their customers and save their businesses. Photographers making absolute magic with their cameras in their own homes and backyards, grounded airports converting their lots into drive-in movie theatres, and families spending more time together than they have in years. Communities coming together to sing from balconies, support one another emotionally and financially online and continue to grow and learn in adaptive ways through changing tides. This experience has proven to me that when the going gets tough, the creatives get going.

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“This is precisely the time when artists go to work. There is no time for despair, no place for self-pity, no need for silence, no room for fear. We speak, we write, we do language. That is how civilizations heal.” –Toni Morrison

In my own family, my Husband, Gregory and I at home with our two boys, 11 and 9, have ridden the waves with the rest of the world and have done our level best to stay within the eye of the storm and continue to do what we do best, to love one another fiercely and stay creative. That is our contribution to the world and now I know it with certainty. We will do what we do no matter what. We too planted a garden, starting from seed in our house and taught our sons how to grow food in their own front yard in the city. We cooked together, baked buns and muffins, devotedly supported small local grocery stores and businesses for our basic needs, joined a CSA (Community Shared Agriculture) Farm to door, and we grew closer and bonded in new and impenetrable ways. We talked a lot about the state of the world and where to go from here and how to use our individual gifts and talents to contribute to positive change as we watch old paradigms fall and burn around us. Some days we slogged through the weight of the world, but we continued to work, to teach our kids, even if it was just one baby step at a time. We cultivated joy where we were, rather than desire it from the outside world that we didn’t have access to. That in itself was a massive shift in consciousness.

Of all the things I was missing, the thought of not being able to continue doing creative photoshoots was what I was grieving the most. So, with the mantra “bloom where you’re planted”, firmly held in my heart, I decided to work with what I had, where I was. I decided to do a photoshoot at home. No professional photographer, no fancy studio lighting or perfect location, just a reason to get creative with what we already had. Gregory and the boys helped me set up, Finnley, my youngest asked to model and Lief, my eldest was our photographer. Both Finnley and I modelled clothes from my online vintage shop (Patron of Dreams Shop), and a creative editorial shoot about family and planting seeds, metaphorical and literal, was born. About a month later, as isolation restrictions relaxed a little in Winnipeg, Joey Senft, our good friend and neighbour who happens to be one of the best professional photographers in our city, went out on foot in our own neighbourhood, social-distance style, to do a photoshoot together. This blog post is a result of making art in the time of Covid-19. A snapshot in time to serve as a reminder that we are only as limited as our perceptions and bravery allows, and that our desire for perfection or a certain standard can be limiting and paralyzing instead of inspiring and expanding.

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So what’s next as the world continues to be ravaged by the direct and indirect effects of a pandemic? How do we continue to go through profound awakenings and transformations, a revolution, as hard truths and adversity continues to unfold? Well, I hope a commitment to self-evaluation, and an honest acknowledgement of our individual contributions to both the problems and the solutions. It is my greatest wish that each person begin to understand what it is that they as individuals have to offer to the world to improve it, and to figure out how that can be done for the greater good of all of humanity in a holistic way, not just for the already privileged few that are benefitting from the existing capitalist patriarchal systems. I see a great need for people to get comfortable with unlearning what they thought was true and stepping into the humility of not knowing, not having all the answers, or attempting to be a saviour to others when what is truly needed is our continued improvement of ourselves.

I live in excitement about the future, despite the hardships and difficulties that I know still lie ahead of us, and I’ve come to accept and appreciate the diversity of roles that are needed to be played by different types of people as old paradigms are disassembled and new ways are built. Some people will fight to tear down old systems and be warrior activists for change and accountability. Some people will use existing political platforms and rock boats from within political rings, some people will continue using their healing arts and modalities to help the collective heal through the process, and some will focus on building the new through their work, their art, their writing, and their creativity. There is room for it all, and all of it is an important contribution. Through it all, as a community, I wish for each of us to carry a fierce hope in our hearts, as we continue to peel the layers back over the coming months and with openness and non-judgment, uncover all the silver linings just waiting to be understood from this dark cloud.

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY:  

  • Seed planting at home, photos by Lief Chomichuk , Edited by Joey Senft.
  • Apple blossoms in our neighbourhood, photos and edits by Joey Senft.

MODELS: Finnley Chomichuk (my son), and Tara Cole-McCaffrey, Patron of Dreams

STYLING BY: Tara Cole-Mccaffrey, Patron of Dreams, from Patron of Dreams Shop

VINTAGE FASHION: Vintage 70’s green dress, 70’s large collar printed polyester shirt, navy blue adjustable suspenders, vintage white with pink floral button-front dress, and vintage black slip, all from Patron of Dreams Shop.

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We Are The Dreams of Our Ancestors and The Dreamers For Our Descendants

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“Our relationships with the places where our feet are planted are everything. In the physical sensory world, and the imaginal world which envelopes and penetrates it. It doesn’t matter whether we’re in these places forever, or for just a little while….All that matters is that, wherever we find ourselves in this world, we connect deeply there. For as long as we’re in a place, with as much love and respect as we can muster. That’s where the virtue lies, for me.”

‘The land carries its own memory, and a rich, earthy, planetary wisdom. The memory and wisdom of the ages. And we’re made up of it. At some very deep level, each one of us participates in that wisdom borne by the land.
‘Because we’re made of the land. Every cell in our body. There’s not a bit of us that isn’t created and then forged from the various places we’ve lived in.’

‘And what treasures we can uncover, if we remember it. If we learn how to dig deep, how to stop paddling about in the shallows and penetrate beyond the superficial into those deeper, older, planetary – cosmological, even – layers of the psyche. If, to use a phrase I coined many years ago now, we choose to let ourselves fall into the land’s dreaming. And so learn how to truly participate in the land’s psyche. In the world psyche – the anima mundi, the world soul.’

Sharon Blackie

“Wherever you stand, be the soul of that place.” – Rumi

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I was born,  raised, and have lived my entire life in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. I am a 4th Generation Canadian, with a complex, mixed heritage, including at least eight nationalities that I’m currently aware of, running through my veins. Celtic, Central and Eastern European, and even Indigenous to name a only a few, although you’d never know it if you judged me solely based on my appearance. I am a cultural hodgepodge, and I’m sure a DNA test would likely reveal that it’s even more complicated than all of that. I am a child of the world, and that is reflected in my diverse cultural interests, where I have chosen to travel, and what I choose to learn and share with the world. The embracing of diversity and desire for global connectedness runs deep in my genetic lineage. I have continued to let my heart and soul be my guide, despite these interests often being misunderstood, over-simplified and criticized based solely on how I look.

The truth is, my complex cultural background means that I don’t identify with just one place, people or culture, but many, and as a proud Canadian, I regularly feel immense gratitude and comfort, living in a country that is so culturally diverse and welcoming, for the most part, of that diversity. I have, as of late, been re-connecting with my heritage and the knowledge of my ancestors. How better to understand ones-self than to understand who and where they come from. I have been reading and learning about Matrilineal DNA, which is now used to trace family trees, because unlike DNA from fathers, a mother’s DNA is passed un-changed from mothers to children of both sexes, along the maternal line until all female lineages converge. Ultimately, what that means in simplified terms is, we can trace our DNA in a clear line through our mothers, and our mothers’ mothers, back through many generations, but we cannot do this through our father’s and our father’s fathers. I was contrastingly, both utterly flabbergasted and notably underwhelmed by the obviousness, when I learned the matriarchal nature of the very building blocks of humanity. The irony of learning this truth while at the same time becoming more and more conscious of and infuriated by the oppressive nature of our Patriarchally constructed society, was not lost on me. More on this another time! Science, in its purist form, is our friend, because it opens us up to question things and be open minded to theoretical possibilities. That said, our instincts and intuition are equally important, sometimes more so, in the short term in particular. I’m sure I’m not the first woman to say that on a deep-seeded (pardon the pun) internal level, I already knew this fact, but it took scientific evidence to convince me. Note to self, once again, you’re intuition is usually ahead of the curve. Trust it.

I have also been learning about the quickly growing study and theories around Epigenetics, and the mind boggling evidence that so far suggests our genes can in fact change based on external stimulus, such as traumatic experiences, or repetitive thought patterns and emotions, and in turn, those altered genes can then be passed down through generations. The implications around curing genetic diseases, the nature versus nurture debates, or limiting beliefs based on the genetic lottery we are born with, the good and the not so good, are incredibly exciting to consider.  It would appear that we are so much more than the physical characteristics and pre-dispositions of our ancestors. We are also their dreams and their fears. Their gifts and their traumas. We carry not only their blood and tissue, but their experiences within us, as well as the potential capacity to transmute the parts that do not serve our greatest good or personal evolution.

All of this information together, for me, peaks my curiosity and begs the question, are we not then, on more than an experiential level, but on a cellular level, also made up of the places that we live and the places that our ancestors have lived? And in particular, are we not deeply connected and informed by the land in which our mother, grandmothers and great-grandmothers have walked? Is it possible, that we carry knowledge of the lands of our ancestral grandmothers lived and visited inside of our genetic coding? Even though I am fourth generation Canadian, I find a deeply rooted connection and attraction to places in the world that I have never set foot on. Places, that the ancient stories and pictures of, sing a song within me that transcend my limited ideas of my culture or borders and draw me towards them for some reason or purpose. There is knowledge within me, my blood and bone, that seems disconnected from my blonde hair and blue-green eyes, and yet other parts of me that are deeply connected to my appearance. Why, when I visited Turkey, in the Middle East, did I feel a deep sense of being a hop-skip-and-a-jump from home, when in reality, home was on the other side of the world in Canada? Why do depictions of ancient Egypt and endless seas of golden desert make me weep with longing? Why did this white girl feel every fibre of her being come alive with familiarity when she began to study bellydance? Time for that DNA test maybe? Or, maybe there’s even more to it than that. Humanity is not stationary. Scientific evidence traces the birthplace of humanity to Africa. There is innumerable evidence of cultural interconnectedness through travel, trade and marriage throughout the world for millennia. Viking symbols and runes etched with ancient knives into stone structures in the Middle East; jewellery, fabric and weapons being found all over the world in the graves of people not native to those cultural artifacts; the ancient Celtic triskele being used in the U.S. Department of Transportation, a coat of arms in Germany and national flag of Sicily. Our democracy here in North America is based on that of ancient Greece, our letters are Latin and our numbers are Arabic. Unless you are Indigenous to North America, every single one of us are either immigrants ourselves, or fairly recent descendants of immigrants. The bottom line is, that most of what we have come to know as Canada was built upon foreign ideas with an entirely different land and culture, and that past information is stored within our DNA, according to current science. My familial experience being in Canada is less than 150 years old, which within the measure of genetic lineage, is a relatively short time.

So what does all this mean? Well, for me, it is an inspiring seed of an idea that warrants further investigation. It is a reminder that we are far more complex in our make-up than we may currently understand, and we do ourselves a disservice when we over-simplify one another into cultural boxes, borders and surface appearances. There is so much more to an individual than meets the eye. This thinking inevitably leads to an us versus them mentality, and history has shown us time and again what horrors the implications of that can turn into. These new scientific discoveries and theories suggest possibility for our future, and it nudges me towards better connection and understanding of my own personal heritage, but more than that, it encourages me to enquire about the places my ancestors came from, where they travelled, settled, and what may have been going on in those places at that time in history? All of it, would potentially have an impact on my make-up, and that of my children, according to current modern science, and quite frankly, according to the long-time teachings of Indigenous peoples all over the globe.

As a central Canadian, living in a province with a significant population of Indigenous First Nations, might I suggest that maybe it’s way, way overdue for us European descendants to listen up and learn something about the stolen Treaty 1 Territory land we are all standing on? I did not personally choose to come here from Europe, but I do live here now as a result of my ancestors, I am raising my family here, and with every choice I make, I am setting the tone for future generations. If I apply the ideas about matrilineal DNA and epigenetics not just to myself and how my ancestry has impacted me, but to how I in turn will impact my descendants, wouldn’t the connection, understanding and knowledge of this land that I walk on every day, it’s history, it’s geology, it’s plant medicines, it’s animals, be an important responsibility? I love the idea that we are the manifestation of our ancestors wildest dreams. If that is so, what can I do to make them proud? Well, that leads me to an obvious question, what are my wildest dreams? What do I hope for, for my own descendants? I want them to know that I worked for a better world, that I cared about people and that I loved this planet and all her mysteries deeply. I want them to know that I dreamed and worked for unity, diversity and global community. That creativity and connectivity of people and land was deeply important to me. I want them to know that I loved this place that I live, it’s intense and extreme seasonal changes, and the hearty, incredibly creative people that our long, cold, dark winters produce. Above all, I want them to know that I did my best to become the soul of this place where I was born, while reaching for my dreams. That I listened to my heart and my intuition and let it be my guide in all things. If it is so, that I can pass on my experience to my descendants, it is my wish that it brings comfort and hope that I did not just live in this place, on this land, but instead, I allowed myself to connect deeply to it and become a part of it, as I believe nature intended.

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY: Michael Sanders, Electric Monk Media

STYLING, HAIR & MAKEUP BY: Tara Cole-McCaffrey, Patron of Dreams

WARDROBE BY: Patron of Dreams Shop

WEARING: 

 

 

 

Thinning of the Veil

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“To everything – turn, turn, turn
There is a season – turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep”

– The Byrds (Lyrics for Turn! Turn! Turn!) (Adapted from the Bible: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

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The days are shortening and the darkness and cold is seeping in slowly like a fog, a little more each day. I no longer feel fresh and new like the first sprouts of spring. This does not sadden or disappoint me. Instead, I feel ripe, potent and intense like the sweet heady scent of decaying leaves with wafts of cinnamon and smoke from burning stubble on farmers’ fields. The air feels crackly and thin giving me shivers and making the little hairs all over my body stand on end, telling me daily that I’m not alone. On the contrary, I am closer to all things than I am during any other season. It is the time of great dying, when Mother Nature transitions from a time of life and growth and prepares for a great sleep after giving us her harvested bounty and moving towards the season of death. All times of transition can be times of great reflection. The darkening days reflect the shadows within our own souls that we must attend to and heal. All of us carry darkness that we must not fear and turn away from, but instead, look deeply into and move through it, like we move through winter towards the light and re-birth on the other side. The fall transition is a time of gratitude for the abundance received all summer and a time of preparation for the dark cold days where we must create our own light and warmth by turning within and projecting outward.

The veil is thinning.

The realms of the living world and spirit world are transitioning and in flux. The memories of loved ones that have passed come to us in dreams. We feel them closer than we tend to at other times of the year. We are reminded of our own mortality. We are reminded that like the seasons, we too are markers of time, change and transition. This is not morbid or negative. It serves as a reminder that we are all an integral part of everything. All life and all death. All lightness and all darkness. Connected.

As we age, we are given signs that we are getting closer to who we actually are, which lays just out of reach on the other side of the veil. Every wrinkle, age spot and change within our physical body is not something to hide, fear or loathe. We miss the point when we do not honour that they are signs that we are coming back to our source. We are getting closer to ourselves. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. This has nothing to do with religion or dogma, it means that our spirit never ages, but gets clearer and clearer as time moves on and our physical form fades. Have you not noticed that as people age, they seem to grow into themselves? When you speak to older people, they tend to talk about how they have become more confident over time, more self assured and have learned to care much less about what other people think of them. They may become more free or eccentric as time marches on. They may take more risks and do things that they never would have done when they were younger. They may become quiet, introspective, thoughtful and peaceful. They are not as rattled or as emotional about things that happen in life. They grow more patient, compassionate and generous with themselves and others.

Aging is a great gift and a mirror reflection of nature all around us. Just like we cannot stop winter from coming, we cannot stop aging, yet there are endless anti-aging products and techniques out there that are sabotaging our personal growth. They teach us to fear and be ashamed of aging. They teach us to hide it and covet youth which carries a great illusion of power. It is one of the great many lies that keep us from our own growth. This is not to say that beauty products or adornment are wrong or do not have their place. On the contrary, they can help us celebrate ourselves and the beauty of our own evolution at every stage of life that we move through. It is when the culture of shame and anti-aging takes over and manipulates us into striving for the illusion of youth that it becomes so damaging to the human spirit. The constant effort and attempts to look younger, spending money, time and energy on a losing battle, instead of on the development of spirit and character is robbing us of so many opportunities to evolve and grow into our potential. It stagnates us, so we are so glamoured by our own reflection, we forget that the true meaning of our life lives on the inside, where no one can see. Aging, like the changing seasons is a great teacher which never stops giving us opportunities to learn and grow until our time earth-side has come to an end. Whether or not we pay attention to the lessons and decide to learn from them becomes a matter of personal choice.

You may have heard the expression “what we resist, persists”. We cannot resist age, just as a flower cannot bloom forever, nor does it try to. Instead, it spends it’s time reaching for the light and growing as vibrant and to it’s fullest potential as it possibly can within the time it has before it’s death. It does not fear death, or try to stop the inevitable. It knows that this would be a waste of it’s energy in the limited time it has. We can learn a lot from a flower. We can learn a lot from the natural cycles of nature. We can learn from the thinning of the veil that occurs every autumn that we are nature, and nature is us, and it is precisely in that place where the physical world and spirit world connect that we find out who we actually are. But only if we choose to pay attention and learn.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY: Michael Sanders, Electric Monk Media

STYLING, HAIR & MAKEUP: Tara Cole-McCaffrey, Patron of Dreams

VINTAGE FASHION: 90’s vintage from head to toe!

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Ascension

“The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.” – Ben Okri

“When you can imagine, you begin to create and when you begin to create you realize that you can create a world that you prefer to live in, rather than a world that you’re suffering in.” – Ben Okri

“Reach for the best feeling thought you have access too.” -Abraham Hicks

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Mid-January.  It’s still dark out by 5 p.m. The holidays are over, bank accounts are looking dismal, the sugar detox is real, and statistics show that most people have already given up on their New Year’s resolutions a week ago.  Enter Blue Monday, the third Monday in January, reported to be the most depressing day of the year.  I’m not gonna lie, it can be very challenging to keep your chin up and keep on trucking optimistically when so many people around you are suffering and struggling to see the point of it all. It can leave you having to dig deep to find the motivation to power on.  So, what do we do about it?  Well, for starters, let’s not fall for the oldest mistake in the proverbial book.  If you are feeling a little lower than usual, now is not the time to shoot for the stars and make unrealistic plans and demands on yourself.  You know I’m all about dreaming big and believing in your ability to live your dream life, but I have lived long enough to know that shooting too high, when you are feeling too low, is a recipe for failure and can knock you back even further than where you started from.  I think about my emotions like a staircase.  Each step up is a small improvement in how I feel.  The bottom step is hopelessness.  It’s where depression resides.  You may currently be on the third step, where frustration is rampant, but remember, it is a whole lot better than hopelessness. So, how do I climb the staircase?  Well, firstly, I realize that I can’t jump from the bottom step to the top.  Its just not possible, physically, or emotionally.  But, I can focus on the things that are working and the little things that make me feel good, like the warm glow of a scented candle, a really great cup of coffee, or how lovely the light is in the morning through my front window, and suddenly, my gratitude has carried me up a few steps.  If you treat it as a daily practice to notice the good stuff, then before you know it, you have reached the step that has you revelling in hope and optimism.  From here, you can see the top and now is the time to dream big and get specific about the things you want.  If you can get up enough inspiration and emotional will, you may even be able to launch yourself up the last few steps to the top, where all your dreams reside.  Here’s the catch though, no one stays at the top of the staircase forever.  The truth is, you’d get bored there.  It’s in our nature to want to be working toward something, to want to improve and to overcome adversity.  It’s in our DNA.  It’s part of being human.  From one day to the next, we climb up and down the staircase of life through many trials and tribulations.  Sometimes we get stuck for longer than we’d like on a particular step, or continually return to one on the regular.  If this is happening to you, chances are, you have something to learn from it, and you’ll keep returning to that step until you do.  The thing to remember is that it is in our power to climb or not climb.  We have the capacity to look around us right now in this very moment, find things to be grateful for, and start the process of ascension, no matter where you are on the staircase of life.

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY: Michael Sanders, Electric Monk Media

STYLING, HAIR & MAKEUP BY: Tara Cole-McCaffrey, Patron of Dreams. Hair cut and colour by Kitty of Berns and Black.

NEW FASHION: Flared pants by H&M, Velvet booties from Hudson’s Bay, Velvet jacket from Winners.

THRIFTED FASHION: Sunglasses, satin Chinese-inspired blouse, scarf.

VINTAGE FASHION: Embroidered hat.

Paris in The Prairies

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“She gave up on life as she knew it
to find life as it should be known…”

Niki Trosky (Winnipeg Author, from her book Love Life)

“Our life is composed greatly from dreams, from the unconscious, and they must be brought into connection with action. They must be woven together.” –  Anais Nin

“As you navigate through the rest of your life, be open to collaboration. Other people and other people’s ideas are often better than your own. Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life.” – Amy Poehler

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About a year ago, I was having coffee with my Grandma and telling her about my frustrations and how I impatient I was feeling about life. Things weren’t happening quickly enough for me.  I wanted to be where I wanted to be already, I was tired of how it was, and I wanted change…now.  She smiled in that coy knowing way that Grandma’s sometimes do and said “bloom where you’re planted.”  When you are as impatient as I was at that particular moment, that statement is as irritating as nails on a chalkboard, but it was truth at it’s purest and so it sunk deep into my thick irritable skull for later when I was ready to receive the message.  It took a while, but I kept turning the phrase over and over again in my mind trying to grapple with what it really meant.

As we begin a New Year, I think I understand it’s meaning, not in the intellectual way I originally did, but in how to apply it practically to my life .  It resonates with me as a message to stop living in the future and be present.  To slow down mentally and stop looking for the greener grass somewhere else. To open your eyes to the beauty and opportunity and joyful moments happening right where you are and revel in them, for one day, they will be gone, forever.  We tend to be so trained by society to be goal oriented and focussed on our future ambitions that life is quite literally passing us by while we are dreaming of something bigger and better.  I am as guilty of that as anyone.  Dreaming big and having rich desires and hopes for the future is good, and healthy, and normal, but being so focussed on the star you are reaching for that you fail to realize you are up in the cosmos and really need to be present in this moment, with these people, in this situation, is a kind of tragedy.  This is what they mean when they say “don’t dream your life away!”.  Not that you should not dream, or that dreaming is a waste of time, but that you should not allow your dreams for the future to rob you of your present.  Life is happening now, and now is all there is.  Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never exist.

Necessity has had me firmly planted in the role of Mother and homemaker over the last few years and it’s been too easy to isolate myself and become too comfortable being alone and doing things independently. My shift in focus to my passion for fashion styling and now blogging has re-ignited my desire to connect with people, collaborate and be a part of a rich community of like-minded people.  Blooming where you’re planted as a creative person is not a difficult thing to do when you live in a city that is overflowing with artistic people.  Winnipeg has such a rich and diverse culture of music, art, dance, writers and fashion, that there is always something interesting to do and be a part of.  Even better than that, we are known as an extremely “friendly” city. This may seem silly or insignificant to some, but to someone like me who is looking to connect with people and collaborate, being surrounded by friendly, open and kind individuals who are more than willing to open their arms and hearts to you is such an incredible relief and also incredibly inspiring.  Not to mention that this is just the kind of positive and open attitude that gets shit done.  Inclusion not exclusivity.  Collaboration, not competition.

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I’m in love with Winnipeg and all the people here that inspire me every day! I have been incredibly blessed to have met and worked with so many skilled and talented people already it’s baffling.  And there are so many of you I haven’t even met yet, but I want to!  I’m so excited to meet you and create something together, and I’m not embarrassed or afraid to look silly by admitting that. I want to make cool shit! Not pretend that I’m too cool to approach you and too chill to get super excited about sharing inspiring ideas with you.  There are so many opportunities to co-create that have yet to manifest.  It’s a very exciting time to be alive!  The world is starting to figure out that we are so much better and stronger together and our reach is so much further and more potent when we can put fear and ego aside and realize that success for one of us is ultimately success for all of us in the same creative world.  A high tide raises all boats.  We can raise the tide together much more effectively and for the greater good if we work together, support one another and cheer each other on.

So, if you see me in the street, or at a coffee shop or an event, come and say hi!  If you have a great idea for a collaboration, let me know, whether we know each other or not. I don’t bite, and if you tell me you read my blog, my mind will undoubtedly be blown because I’m still flabbergasted when anyone I don’t know tells me they read my blog. Ultimately, if you have creative ideas that will improve the city that we live in, or the industry that artists work in, I’m in your corner.

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY: Michael Sanders, Electric Monk Media

STYLING, HAIR & MAKEUP BY: Tara Cole-McCaffrey, Patron of Dreams.  Hair cut and colour by Kitty of Berns & Black

VINTAGE FASHION: Chinese silk jacket from Ruby Slipper Vintage

NEW FASHION: Grey Triat Coat by Lennard Taylor (it’s impossible not to look chic in this universally flattering coat!); Black beret and skinny scarf from the Haberdashery (Winnipeg, if you need a hat, this is the place!); Black booties by A.S. 98 from Rooster Shoes (you won’t find this quality of shoes or diversity of unique styles anywhere else in Winnipeg); Faux leather pants, striped shirt, and fringe bag from H&M.

COFFEE: Parlour Coffee

The 90’s Influence

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“The duty of youth is to challenge corruption.” –Kurt Cobain, Nirvana

“Just A Girl”

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I’m exposed and it’s no big surprise
Don’t you think I know exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me to hold your hand

‘Cause I’m just a girl, a little ‘ol me
Well don’t let me out of your sight
Oh I’m just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don’t let me have any rights

Oh…I’ve had it up to here!

The moment that I step outside
So many reasons for me to run and hide
I can’t do the little things I hold so dear
‘Cause it’s all those little things that I fear

‘Cause I’m just a girl I’d rather not be
‘Cause they won’t let me drive late at night
Oh I’m just a girl, guess I’m some kind of freak
‘Cause they all sit and stare with their eyes

Oh I’m just a girl, take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype

Oh…I’ve had it up to here!

Oh…am I making myself clear?

I’m just a girl
I’m just a girl in the world…
That’s all that you’ll let me be!

I’m just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb makes me worry some
I’m just a girl, what’s my destiny?
What I’ve succumbed to is making me numb

Oh I’m just a girl, my apologies
What I’ve become is so burdensome
Oh I’m just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there’s no comparison

Oh…I’ve had it up to!
Oh…I’ve had it up to!
Oh…I’ve had it up to here!

No Doubt, Gwen Stephani 

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I was a teen of the 90’s.  I went through puberty; graduated high school; used the internet for the first time; fell in love (twice), and moved out on my own.  I went through some of the biggest and most informative changes of my life during that decade.  The 90’s left a significant mark on my character and it still resonates with me today in 2016.

It was in the 90’s that I accepted my interest in fashion and style as a legitimate part of who I was.  I cared about it, and I put time and energy into it. If I wanted something I couldn’t afford, or it seemed unavailable to me (remember this was before on-line shopping), I bought second hand and altered it, or sewed it from scratch. I laugh now to think of what a strange experience it must have been for my parents to have a teenage daughter during the 90’s grunge era.  I imagine it must have been a combination of relief at the blatant lack of overt sexuality being displayed in the popular youth fashion of the time, and a touch of horror at my shabby, oversized, somewhat masculine style sense. Not to mention the very cheap price tag that went along with my almost entirely vintage wardrobe, which would be a relief to any parent. My style fell somewhere between your Grandpa’s closet in the 70’s, and Kurt Cobain’s, with an ever so tiny sprinkling of Charlie’s Angels. There were a lot of chords, bell bottoms, ripped jeans, 70’s big-collered button-downs and my most favourite pair of army pants bought at the local Army Surplus store.  I later regretted trading those beloved pants to my friend Ian, for his tie-dye sarong scarf. Although I do still have and use that scarf today.  Hey Ian, if your reading this, I want my pants back!

I jokingly laugh with my Husband and our male friends now about how they were ripped-off at the lack of skin and female bodies being put on display during their teenage years and twenties. The truth is, we all know how good it was for us in reality. The following generation of Brittany Spears/Christina Aguillera look-alikes made that abundantly clear to us. I feel lucky that I became a woman at a time in history when popular youth culture wasn’t embracing overt sexuality in women’s fashion.  That experience powerfully informed my opinions of how sexuality and the female body is displayed in fashion and it comes through in my taste now and how I dress myself daily.  I wasn’t even conciously aware of my tendency towards modesty in my style until another fashion blogger Miss Mellalina wanted to feature me on her blog as an example of a modest fashionista.  It was an interesting realization. My style is definitely bold and out-there, but it’s not overtly sexual. It’s true that most of the outfits I put together cover up most of my skin and don’t show off too much of my body.  Any skin I do show is typically a result of contextual function (e.g. wearing a bathing suit at the beach or cabin, shorts in the summer), or it’s balanced by a very contrasting counter-style (e.g. plunging neckline paired with oversized men’s trousers or all other skin completely covered up).

That said, I am fully aware of the effect that showing off even the tiniest portion of my body has had on my viewers.  Don’t think I didn’t notice the significant increase in the amount of attention my last blog post got for it’s slightly more provocative nature. It’s both totally predictable and yet completely astounding to me, the effect that a plunging neckline and seeing nipples through a top can have on people.  My likes, comments, and general traffic on all my social media accounts increased instantly and substantially.  Hmmm.  What does that say about us as a society?  It certainly shows why there are so many women and girls showing off their bodies and being provocative and seductive on social media.  The world has told us quite clearly and effectively that that is what it likes and wants, so that is what they keep giving to us. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly appreciate every like and comment that I get, but, here’s the thing,  you won’t see me posting any overt ass or boob shots on the internet simply for more “likes”.  You can be sure that the well established grunge era influence on me will be ever present in my choices to display my body.  Everything I do with fashion, I do for a reason and I can guarantee that if sexuality shows up in my posts, it will be to tell a story or express an idea or as an intentional art piece.  I have no intention of using my sexuality to get attention or gain more followers. The truth is, in my opinion, it’s too easy, superficial, and boring.  It’s also being done to death!  Not to mention it leads too many women down the path of attaching too much value to their physical appearance and then losing their self-worth in their later years, when showing off their bodies no longer gets the attention it once did. Hollywood’s substantial list of women over 35 who have had botox or plastic surgery is proof of that. Now, does that mean that my social media climb will be longer?  Likely.  Does it mean that the followers I do get will be more genuine? Indeed.

As a women who is approaching her 40’s now, I’ve lived some life, explored my sexuality and it’s effect, and I’ve been lucky enough to land in a place of self-worth and confidence that holds me true to my values without compromise.  If you ever find yourself in a place where you are allowing society to define who you are or what you have to offer, take a moment and determine if what others are saying they want from you is in line with what you want from yourself.  If your opinion doesn’t match theirs, I implore you to choose yourself over them. Our current focus on instant gratification, external approval and quick fixes has driven so many down a path that is not sustainable or satisfying in the long term.  In the end, what you create will be for others, at your expense. Gwen Stephani’s lyrics still resonate today as if it was still 1995…

“I’m just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb makes me worry some
I’m just a girl, what’s my destiny?
What I’ve succumbed to is making me numb”

If you stay true to yourself, you are patient, and you don’t succumb to society’s rule of thumb, you will find that there are many others who share the same values and tastes as you and they will find you, stick with you and help you to achieve the things that are important to you, because they are important to them too.  Everybody wins, no compromise.

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY: Michael Sanders, Electric Monk Media

STYLING BY: Tara Cole-McCaffrey, Patron of Dreams

THRIFTED FASHION: Jeans (altered by me), militarty/faux leather sleeve jacket (altered by me with addition of ethnic textiles).

CURRENT FASHION: Hat and purse by H&M, sequin skirt and plaid shirt by Forever 21, boots by Dr. Martens, faux septum ring from Urban Waves Winnipeg.